The problem with leadership based abuse is that it can be hard to spot. Not only do we a "laity" or congregation have a highly atrophied discernment but we are also used to having people in authority over us. It often does not occur to us to question this.

Like birds that spend their entire lives in tiny cages we have no idea that there is anything more to life than this tiny cage in this tiny room. We accept our cage as normal and feel so fearful if we are let out that we will willingly go back in again.

The cage door is open - it is time to discover the secret of flight.

This is a non-exhaustive list of warning signs that you can look for is abusive and cult like churches and church groups. The presence of just one of these signs should sound warning bells and more than one should send you running as fast as you can away from such a group.

• The group seems perfect. Everyone agrees and follows orders cheerfully.
• The group claims to have ``all the answers'' to your problems.
• You are asked to recruit new members soon after joining.
• Study (bible or otherwise) outside "the program" is forbidden.
• The group encourages you to put their meetings and activities before all other commitments, including studying.
• The group speaks in a derogatory or negative way about your past religious affiliation.
• You require "clearance" from the leadership before you act.
• Your parents and friends are defined as unable to understand and help you with religious matters.
• Doubts and questions are seen as signs of weak faith. You are shunned if you persist in these doubts.
• Males are believed to have more rights and abilities than females.
• You are invited on a retreat with the group, but they can't give you an overview of the purpose, theme, or activities before you go.
• The group and it's leaders claim that only the group knows the truth.
• An authoritarian leadership which claims exclusive access to God's will.
• Exploitative working conditions which discourage the full use of one's abilities.
• The leadership attempt to dictate your role often according to your known skills or qualifications.
• Power structure is a multi class pyramid affair.
• Variance and difference is frowned upon - conformity is seen as good.
• The group has a large or growing number of ex members whose numbers could threaten to be larger than the current membership.
• You begin to feel guilty and ashamed, unworthy as a person.
• What you do is more important than who you are.
• Allegations of misconduct are dealt with in almost total silence with little transparency.
• You feel compelled to quickly change your behaviour (with smoking, drink, drugs and other chemical or emotional dependencies there is an added danger where little or no professional (medical) advice is available or permitted).
• You are pushed to do things you do not feel comfortable with and made to feel a failure if you do not do them.
• The head leader is seen as perfect or flawless and is somewhat deified.
• Programs and segregated "departments" are pushed heavily and your involvement is expected.
• The group is highly focused on growth.
• Clothes, food, entertainment and other minor aspects of a persons life are expected to line up with a standard set by the leadership.
• Any one who questions the leadership openly soon vanishes in a cloud of disgrace.

God has promised that He will not leave you all alone. Jesus said "I will not leave you orphaned and alone but will send you another comforter".

If you recognise your church or group (or aspects of it) in the above list then the time to take the first shaky step to freedom. Take God at his word and let Him care for you.

If you feel the need then (I am sure) that members of this site might be able to offer a little support or advice. Some of us might be willing to pray for you too. It is important, for you, to realise that your wings have a purpose and you need to use them, perhaps for the first time.

Some elements on the list are from: http://www.caic.org.au/biblebase/abuse/about-re.htm

For further reading you are encouraged to review:

• Eleven marks of perverted authority
• What is Spiritual Abuse?
• 12 Steps for Ex-Members of Controlling or Manipulative Churches or Fellowships
• Is the root of most of the problems with the church the leadership system itself?
• Abusive discipleship and control techniques in our churches