The first lesson that an active member of the laity might need to learn is that they need to be exposed to real fire.

Fire of the kind that does not allow games of lets pretend.

Fire that burns off self deception.

Fire such as provided by regular exposure to sceptics and athiests. These guys (and gals) are very good for you. They will be the first people to point out the BS.

If you are doing one thing but saying another they will point this out. If you are being a prat and denying simple basic facts of human nature, physics or law they will again expose it.

This fire you see burns away that which is not of value.

What is of God is good and endures.

Just take a look at the results of self deception spiritual superstar" and was locked into the image he had created.

This above all - to your own self be true.

You've got to be true to you.

Honesty is the best policy.

We know this simple truth "be real" so well that we have a thousand cliches and snippits of litriture that at any time we can quote and yet for some reason it is very hard for so called christians to be real.

As the laity we do not have the problem of superstardom but we do have the problem of playing lets pretend with a thousand other maladjusted children of the living God each sunday.

Be honest about how you feel. That doesn't mean that because you feel a given way that you must act that way. For example if Fred is angry with Bob it doesn't mean he should follow up on that and beat the crap out of the guy but it does mean that the only healthy thing he can do is admit he is angry.

After that he can address the issue with Bob and make peace or at least come to some form of closure.

The other option is three to five months time when there is a "big" scandle of the fight between two respected memebrs. The issue was never that he trod on my toe, or he has an anger managment problem but that Fred never address his irritiation with Bob months ago.

The same is true of every part of life.

Let us imagine Jim. Average guy who attends an evangelical church. Jim is married with three kids because this seemed like a good idea. Everyone is pleased with him and his wife. Jim and wife and children attend bible study and home group and go to church twice on a sunday and once on a thursday.

He has even taken some talks with the youth group on issues like "the sin of homosexuality" and "why we need to tithe" and other "good" topics. (my personal opinion of these topics is something else again).

The kids all learn thier bible verse perfectly each week.

The leaders think he'd make a good member of staff.

But Jim is probably gay or at least bisexual. He always has been.

One day sitting alone at his desk he realises he can no longer deny who he is. He is sexually attracted to men.

What he does next is the important thing.

(OPTION A) He can keep this a secret. Untill the day he feels the overwhelming need to find a male prostitute and finds himself on the front page of a news paper.

(OPTION B) He can tell the world he is gay leave his wife and kids and live the hedonistic life style until he dies. Until he has a mental breakdown because he is now suppressing his spiritual side.

(Option C) This is the one that is most over looked. It is overlooked because it doesn't create a "support" group nor a social reenforcement circle. It is the hard and narrow way. Simply admit how you feel and deal with the loss of status and friends.

The often abused verse that says "confess you sins one to another" applies here. First (I have it on good authority) it would better translate as "share your weaknesses one to another". Is that so hard a thing to grasp?

What are friends for?

A problem shared is a problem halved.

...and so on and so forth. Common wisdom.

Jim's first act should be to find a good friend.

This is where the whole idea of church falls apart. There is a good chance that his church will contain exactly no appropriate people.

Out of 1000 members and staff 850 will probably not know him beyond recognising his face and name. 120 will probably be aware of him by reputation only. Both lots are likely to offer to pray for him and cast out the "spirit of gayness" or condem him as weak suffering "temptation of the flesh" and other rubbish.

This leaves 30 (or less) people with whom he has some sort of real relationship.

Of that 30 most if not all will follow the same stupid pattern as the others. I know this only too well - I once followed the same pointless pattern.

If he is lucky there might be one or two of that 1000 people that could have the wisdom to listen to him and help him find the next wise thing to do but finding them is going to be a challenge.

So what does that leave? If he approaches the local Gay and Lesbien Allience the 1000 will get the wrong idea and he is worse off.

If he is very luky his wife is a spritual and flexable person and he can talk to her. It's a start but not much. The chances are she'll get the wrong idea, or so he thinks and he doesn't want a devorce just help assimulating this new knowledge about himself.

If he is fortunate there might be a small Christian organisation that is not so up tight or wishy washy as to actual help him out. Give him a person to talk to. What he needs is a trust worthy person that he can chat to. Because all it takes sometimes - a friendly chat so you can figure out what's on your own mind.

Now maybe Jim will eventual be comfirtable and say to his "church" the next time he is asked to speak on such a subject that he is a man who feels a sexual attraction to other men and would the church please stop being to uptight they need a laxative to take a crap.

This will cost him all his "friends" but what any left are true friends.

As the laity we have a hard job. Honesty without judgment.

We need to become the wise person that can drink a cup of coffee (or tea, or a cold beer) with some guy, gal or space cadet and be told "shocking things" (as above) and simply listen.

Let's use another example. Jim has a friend Dave. While Jim is trying to follow Option C and just figure out who he is without denying the rest of who he is (father, husband, believer in God) he brings Dave to the church.

Dave used to live in another part of the country and slipped into achole abuse big time. He lost everything and has moved here to start again.

Over a coffee Dave tells YOU this. He explains that the strong wine used each week at communion and the beer avaibale after home group at Bob's is a big issue for him.

What do you do?

Do you pray in a wishy washy way for him and forget about him after sort of hoping he'll be OK perhaps you go tell Assistent Sub Paster Jones who will "prayfully" tell James, Jude and Harry while mentally striking the guy off the list of potentially usefull members...

or do you take up your mantal as the Laity?

Do you start refusing beer and home group and stop taking communion untill a low or non acholic replacment is available. Do you protest the use of such drinks and get others to join you (knowing that at least Dave is going to back you up).

It's going to cost you friends and staus. You will be seen as a person that rocks the boat.

It will be you that gets the hassle and fuss as you stand between Dave and something Dave can not yet deal with. It could even cost you trips to the pub with others pub going members of your (otherwise "liberal") church.

Much like Jesus did you will rock the boat and pay the price. But that is what the Laity do.

Now let me ask you this.

Dave tells you Jim needs a word. Jim tells you his problem. While that happens Burt confesses he can not afford to tithe and Anne says she is strongly attracted to her friend Jess while John tells you he feels worthless as a member and several well known prostitutes want to come to your house for a chat about this "God thing". To make matters worse two crack deals also want to talk with you and the local GLA (gay, lesbien allience) want you to address a meeting.

You've attended AA with Dave for moral support a few times and then the pastorial team catch up to you.

They want to know if you have been strugling with homosexuality (they saw you talk to the GLA rep), do you have a drink problem (they saw you go to AA) and they wnt to know why are prostitutes and crack dealers coming to your house friday evening (when you should be at bible study).

All this in the space of a few hours.

As a preist you need to protect these people. (this is what "love covers a multitude of sins" means).

You may be suffer loss of social standing and be labled a "gay and drunken drug adict that spends time with hookers".

What are you going to do?